Dear Soldier,
I stayed up again, all night. Literally all night. I finally made it to bed for a few hours at 9am. I started the book yesterday night, and just couldnt stop. As tears streamed down my face and I could barely see the words, I thought of you. I did the whole "choking sob" while sniffing back tears and snot. Ya, it was pretty hot.
I am excited for you to get your package so that you can read the book. I think you will enjoy it, or at least I hope so. I had so much fun putting everything together,and I'm thinking this will have to be a regular occurance. I dont feel like I am able to do enough for you, so to know I can send you a little piece of home was exciting. I hope that it warms your heart, and makes you think of me.
It was fun seeing you today online, and I am sorry I refused to get on cam. My hair was unwashed, my face was puffy from lack of sleep and crying, and I was still in my PJ's. yuck! It was so nice seeing you smile. You have such a beautiful smile. The sweet things you say to me stick with me all week, and they make me feel giddy with excitement about you all over again. I cant wait until we can sit across from eachother at a table and hold hands and whisper sweet nothings into eachothers ears.. or well at least laugh together..! :) I still remember sitting at that little bar in one of the back rooms drinking beers and talking. I wanted to hold your hand so bad, but didnt know if you were feeling the same way. I am so glad that we eventually held hands.
Well anyways the phone just rang, I should probably run and grab it. but I love you and i'll write soon :)
love you
love
me!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
:)
Posted by Letters From Home at 4:01 PM 0 comments
Friday, January 9, 2009
...
Dear Soldier,
I was walking today through the store. Browsing books, and reading the backs for the synopsis. Considering a few, before placing them back on the shelves. I was waiting for my pictures to print, when I seen a plain looking book with a royal blue cover. It had gold writing, and a small picture of a man and child all outlined in gold. It popped out from all the rest, and when I read a few of the first words, the hair on the back of my kneck stood up.. I got goose bumps. It was about a journal that Soldier in Iraq wrote for his son. I purchased it along with everything I needed for your care package. Within the first chapter I was in tears. My heart raced as his girlfriend and mother of his child talked about her husband...his life, and his untimely death.
I guess its the one thing we never talked about. We've never talked about you dyeing. I guess you have settled my thoughts, and it sounds as if it is less dangerous then when the war first started, but every day that I hear about another Soldier dyeing it makes my stomach tighten, and I hold my breath until I hear a name. I then think, there might be a girl behind that name. A girl just like me who loves her soldier more then anything. Who thinks about him every time she sees a flag, and who feels so proud of him when she hears the National Anthem played at sporting events. Who counts down the days until he is home, and who fingers the framed photo of him every night before she goes to bed. Who wishes her blanket still smelled like him, and who prayed every night that he would return to her. Then my heart aches for them, and tears glisten in my eyes.
Yesterday when we were on cam together, you could tell I was about to cry. No one else could've been able to do that. You see me.. you see me more then anyone else does. The way you noticed the way my eyes got shiny, and I breathed in deeper. To anyone else I would've simply looked tired, but you seen. You knew. Thats when I realized that even though our time together physically has been so short, we have a connection that has been lost on most of the men that have come into my life. Due to the fact that we have spent more time apart then together, we haev a connection that is more mental then physical. You desire conversation (well I know you desire more, but distance puts a little damper on that!) and letters. You enjoy my smile, and the way I scrunch my face when I find something funny, but not quite funny enough to laugh out loud. You have come to notice the little things. I think thats why I love you.
soldier, I never intended to fall for someone in the military. I never thought I would see you after our first date. Now here we are. I am still so incredibly in love with you. I know things are difficult and hard. I know that you long for freedom to be able to do what you want without worrying about me.. or any girl for that matter. I know that you were hurt.. and we BOTH know the hurt of betrayal in a relationship. I know that you are scared, and you are going to try and distance yourself from anyone that makes you "feel" again. Its easier to be with someone who asks nothing, then to someone you would give anything for. I know this.. and yet I still crave you. I will still wait for you. I will still love you.
I dont know if there will come a day that I will wake up, and not love you as much as the day before. I dont know if i'll meet someone some day that will make me laugh more then you, or feel more.. or care more. I dont know. I want you to know that I am not angry at you. That I love you unconditionaly and that there will always be a part of me that loves you. I may not be a army girlfriend.. but I am in love with a soldier... who I know loves me back, and thats all that matters.
Baby I love you VERY very much.
Until we speak again,
Love you,
love
me.
Posted by Letters From Home at 6:53 PM 0 comments
I'm leaving on a jet plane...
Posted by Letters From Home at 11:00 AM 0 comments
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Go Gators!
Posted by Letters From Home at 8:17 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Florida
Its funny how our lives are going on with out each other. The days still come, and we still have to live... I think its a good thing, I just remember feeling like my life was going to be put on pause until you came back here. Now my life is changing more then ever...
In a few weeks i'll be heading to Florida... ahh the beautiful state of Florida. The move hasnt stressed me out just yet, but I feel it coming. I wish you were coming with me. I would love to lie on the beach with, make sand castles, and swim in the ocean. It would be incredibly perfect. I am so excited to bring my little man there, I know he'll love it.
I'll make sure to take lots of videos and pictures from the beach, just to let you know how much I'm thinking about you, and tell you all about our adventures..
sorry this one has to be short, but I'm off to visit family.
love,
ME
Posted by Letters From Home at 12:29 PM 0 comments
Monday, January 5, 2009
love you!
Dear Soldier,
I finished my book last night. It took me three days of reading nearly around the clock, but I finished at 4:30 am this morning. I just couldn't put it down. Some time last night, something clicked in my head. This story, felt like us. Let me explain.
The book was based of the book of Hosea. How Hosea felt God telling him to marry a prostitute Gomer. (but the book is modernized to the 1800 gold country) She kept running away, and he kept bringing her back. She was unfaithful and yet he had a steadfast love for her, and trusted that God knew what he was doing in her life. In the book I was reading the lady was so hardened by being used. She would throw her past in his face in order to hurt him, in order to push him away. She thought it was only a matter of time before he didn't love her, and he would send her away. It took years and years before her heart found Jesus and she was able to fully love this man, who loved her through out some of the utmost worst circumstances you could ever imagine.
It reminded me of our biggest problem. My past. I know you struggled with me telling you my past secrets, and I didnt really know why I was telling you these things. I think I was so scared that you loved someone and you didnt even really know her. I felt that if I didnt tell you, that you would find out eventually and be disgusted. I was guarding my heart so tight, that if I didnt let you in and I scared you away it would be easier. I know I sounded proud at times, but that wasn't real pride, it was shame. All you wanted to do was to make love to me, and I couldnt even do that. I had given so much of myself, that it scared me so bad to think that you loved me, that you wanted me, regardless of my past, regardless of all the horrible things that I had done, and that had been done to me. You looked past those sins, just as Christ has. I am not comparing you to God, because of course, there is no one like him. BUT your faith is what is different about you. I dont think that God blessed our premarital sex, but I think he blessed your heart. I think he knew what he was doing.
I am sorry that I didnt listen to you, and wait until it was special. I am sorry that my heart was in such a wrong place, when we met. I am not saying I am a horrible person, I was always a good person, but now my heart is in a better place. I am able to love you, for the right reasons. BECAUSE I know you loved me for all the right reasons... (well most of the time.. lol)
I love you soldier, for seeing past everything that I couldnt.
I love you
Love
me!
Posted by Letters From Home at 1:06 PM 0 comments
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Thank you!
gave me chills, THANK YOU BABY! You really are my hero!
(man I always well up during commercials!)
Posted by Letters From Home at 10:51 PM 0 comments