love you!

Dear Soldier,

I finished my book last night. It took me three days of reading nearly around the clock, but I finished at 4:30 am this morning. I just couldn't put it down. Some time last night, something clicked in my head. This story, felt like us. Let me explain.

The book was based of the book of Hosea. How Hosea felt God telling him to marry a prostitute Gomer. (but the book is modernized to the 1800 gold country) She kept running away, and he kept bringing her back. She was unfaithful and yet he had a steadfast love for her, and trusted that God knew what he was doing in her life. In the book I was reading the lady was so hardened by being used. She would throw her past in his face in order to hurt him, in order to push him away. She thought it was only a matter of time before he didn't love her, and he would send her away. It took years and years before her heart found Jesus and she was able to fully love this man, who loved her through out some of the utmost worst circumstances you could ever imagine.

It reminded me of our biggest problem. My past. I know you struggled with me telling you my past secrets, and I didnt really know why I was telling you these things. I think I was so scared that you loved someone and you didnt even really know her. I felt that if I didnt tell you, that you would find out eventually and be disgusted. I was guarding my heart so tight, that if I didnt let you in and I scared you away it would be easier. I know I sounded proud at times, but that wasn't real pride, it was shame. All you wanted to do was to make love to me, and I couldnt even do that. I had given so much of myself, that it scared me so bad to think that you loved me, that you wanted me, regardless of my past, regardless of all the horrible things that I had done, and that had been done to me. You looked past those sins, just as Christ has. I am not comparing you to God, because of course, there is no one like him. BUT your faith is what is different about you. I dont think that God blessed our premarital sex, but I think he blessed your heart. I think he knew what he was doing.

I am sorry that I didnt listen to you, and wait until it was special. I am sorry that my heart was in such a wrong place, when we met. I am not saying I am a horrible person, I was always a good person, but now my heart is in a better place. I am able to love you, for the right reasons. BECAUSE I know you loved me for all the right reasons... (well most of the time.. lol)

I love you soldier, for seeing past everything that I couldnt.
I love you
Love
me!